2008 has come and go.

in 2007 i wondered how 2008 would be.

well, i think the posts i put for 2008 is enough to tell u how 2008 has been.

it has been a hectic year, i mean lots of things that ive nvr expect to happen has happened.

and compared to last year, im no longer stressed over hani. yes i still have feelings for her. and this year i met her a few times and thats really an improvement compared to last year

well, ive grown this year, i havent yet achieve the goal of winning her heart, but there is some progress and that is a change.

and her parents met me alr. which is something unexpected.

and i also got a driving licence and my own internet.

so im happy that 2008 is a year of improvement for me.

i made new frens this year, lya and emilia. lya is my bestfren and our relationship is uncertain. we can be together but conditions dont allow it.

2009? gonna be something that will be totally diff.

my resolutions?

finish my attachment

move to my next stage of life. studies or NS

save 1000 in my bank.

thats all in the moment.

but i reckon 2009 will be more exciting. lets hope it will be.


bye 2008. its been a really up and down journey. hello 2009, lets get the ball rolling

seriously, i wonder why god wants me to live a bit longer?

i would have either died or get seriously injured last thurs nite.

it was ard 3 am n i was driving home after chilling with my best bro.

i was slpy and i didnt realise that i fell aslp.

and the next thing i hear in my slp was a repeated duh-duh-duh...it meant the car has went to the hazard lines of the road. it meant i was a split second close to hitting the wall. i was travelling at 70 km/hr.

the moment i heard the noise, i woke up and my first reaction was to steer away from the wall. i was traumatised.

looking back, i dunno why god does not want me dead yet, i mean im tat close to getting physically hurt.

cos i wish im dead. its too painful too carry on my life. im so puzzled in my mind rite now.

today she came up to me and asked "are u okay?

"yeah" i said

are u sure? she asked.

"actually, no." i answered.

"i need to talk to u" i said.

"what is it?" she asked.

"i dunno if u misunderstood me or something like that, i want u to know that what happened means alot to me, i wasnt toying with u or taking advantage of u" i said.

"but u know my status rite" she replied.

"yeah i know." i said.

i kept quiet.

anything else? she asked.

yeah...i want to know why u were furious with me?

cos im not used to it. she said

then u think im used to it ah? i replied.

i didnt say that. she said.

do u know how painful it was?

do U know how painful it was for me? and how would my bf feel if he knew? she cut in.

yeah i know how it feels okay..im not so heartless. i said.

i just wished it nvr happened u know. cos i dont want to be like this. i told her

but it happened alr she said. we cant change that.

so after that she says, u okay alr? lets just forget abt it. ok? i gotta go.


however the conversation continues when we were alone again.

what do u mean by it means something to u? she asked.

it means alot okay....um.. i was at lost of words.

i wanted to say that its something special between us. i wanted to say i find it sweet, like how it summed up to the kiss. but i couldnt. im afraid i mite use the wrong word. its always good to choose ur words wisely.

well eversince it happened, the memories keep flashing back..u know...

u like me again? she asked.

before i could answer the place was filled with our friends. so the conversation stopped there.

i know i have to answer her question tmr. and i want her to know that it really means alot to me.

but one thing for sure. i'll nvr be her bf like what she told me. i have to think of other ppl's feelings. especially the bf feelings.

so i guess its better that things stay the way it is. i dont want anyone, including myself to be heartbroken again.

like finally we're back on talking terms.

but i know it wont be like before.

she wont be hanging around me like before.

she wont be telling me her problems like before.

well eversince the incident, i fell in love with her.

now here is the problem. she is attached, a 2 year plus old relationship.

i know im the third party over here. and i really know the pain of losing a gf to someone else.

so i keep telling myself that i shouldnt love her. i mean she has a bf alr so why make things even more complicated?

and furthermore, im still curious. what was that happened all about?

does it mean anything to her? or she thinks that im just having fun?

well what happened meant alot for me, i fell in love with her over the memories that keeps flashing back every now and then.

i mean to me its really something sweet. the hugs and all. it was just too unexpected.

and the way she responds while we were abt to kiss, oh how bittersweet it is.

i know i shouldnt do that at the first place, but she didnt push me away.

well right now she dont know what i feel.

should i tell her?

i keep getting into one deep shit after another.

i wished i didnt kissed her,

i just lost a good fren.

how am i going to go on working when she treats me like as if im invisible?

it just drives me crazy,

i tried to talk with her but she just keeps avoiding me.

i mean i didnt force her when we were kissing. in fact, she responded to me. she even kissed me back. she didnt say no or anything.

i just dunno why she's treating me like this.

its confusing...one moment we were all lovey-dovey. and the next moment she treat me like im some kind of freak.

i cant sleep. neither can i live properly this way.

ive never cried so much for a girl friend before. i mean our frenship means so much more than anything i have in this world.

what should i do?

oh saiful, why are u always involved with girls?

nak kate handsome tak. nak kate flirt pun tak.

once again, im in a fling.

we were working together, we've been frens for a year and a half.

she has a bf

i used to like her

didnt know it wud happen in our attachment.

we were alone in the villa, a big bungalow like room.

we finished our job.

she started to ask me if i had any scandals.

she asked me how it would it be if we were a couple.

she said i would make a gd bf

she wanted my massage.

and then there was silence. we sat quietly.

she asked what was on my mind, i said 'nothing'

i wasnt sure if i should do something, even if i wanted, i couldnt. cos she's a best fren of mine.

she asked again, ure thinking of something, out with it. i said nothing again.

it went on for abt 15 mins. and then she said i tink we should go.

and so we went to turn off the lights room by room.

at the last room, she told me not to go first, cos she's afraid of the dark.

okay i said.

after that she said that she wanted to hug me.

so i okayed again and we hugged in the dark.

i need to stop flirting she said

oh so u mean ure flirting now? i replied

she said this is the last time im hugging u

why? i asked

cos my bf will kill me

she said thank u for being such a nice fren.

i kept quiet.

she said u can nvr be my bf.

i kept quiet.

we looked at each other in the dark, hands on waist.

i smiled and she said i can see ur teeth.

i dunno what made me do it but i went closer to her. and so did she.

we kissed.

i pulled away after some time.

i just cant believe wat happened.

we hugged again

and i asked, can i kiss u again?

No she replied firmly.

okay i said

so she said we better get going. this never happened.

yeah i agreed.