yesterday was busy as i was outside the whole day.. i tot i cud finish early..but travelling ard spore by bus n mrt eats a lot of time..so tats why i cant mit u guys..
yesterday was also tiring..but i had fun..haha..i like to disturb lily..she is the only girl i can joke sexually..haha..ok, forget i said tat..
maybe when i get the pics done, i will put it up on frenster...
i really want to live alone..ppl dun understand the problems im having now, tat is why i dun bother to tell anyone..
only ppl who are sincere in helping me will know..but other than that, i wun bother to tell others..
wan to noe why? if u have a problem, go and ask assistance from a counsellor lah! its their job to counsel u on ur problems..
not all counsellors are sincere anyway..
yesterday me and lily talked alot..she asked me, u not finding any girl frens?
i said :no..i prefer living this way..anyway my heart is still with her and i can nvr love any1 else the same way as i love her..
she said: even after her new haircut?
i said: i noe she looks like a tom boy, but i still love her as it makes no difference..anyway her hair can grow back wat..
she said: wow..i wan a boyfren like that..who still loves me despite my bad hair day..i tink my boyfren is like tat..i guess..
i said: haha..at least he still love u when u have ur bad hair day wat..
so tats one of the conversations between me and her which i cud rmb..she is such a great girl bestfren..
and yar i just rmb..next saturday night will be a journey to ZOUK! woohoo!
me and my frens will be driving there..tats even cooler..haha..i cant wait!
shadow
signing out
@ 11:31 AM
Found this pic in a blog i've not went to for a long time..
Gosh...I MISS MY OLD HAIR!!!!!!! aha..really2..i miss it..My goodness..How i wish it grows back so much sooner...This was taken at Teacher's Day dis year..We kind of didnt bother to meet our former teachers when we reached there coz we took the time to hav fun amongst ourselves instead..haha..i dun think dat should be done on Teacher's Day...But wth..we miss each other and miss being altogether in dat same old canteen.. Somehow i dunno wat raj was doing behind there..But i sure noe he wants to be in the pic so much..aha..lolz..
Haz
Guess i finished the macaroni...
Did u zal? aha..Dun think so..
@ 9:47 AM
i dunno..im feeling damn moody today...there is infinite anger within me..i need to hit sum1..i feel like defying god..im confused..a lost human being..
this anger is really getting stronger everyday...i need to extinguish it.but i cant..shud i tell my anger to that person? im just afraid that things might get worse if i do..
i feel like telling that person that im angry over that person..
sumtimes i wish i was kidnapped and drugged to be an assasin..just like the Bourne Identity...or as Solid Snake in metal gear solid..
a soldier with no feelings and emotions..and no interest in other's ppl's life..i want to be like that...
feelings are just a hindrance to my life..i wan to be heartless and moody again..
my mistake is falling in love to her..i noe there are other girls...but im getting damn angry with myself..i feel like telling her that..
even now i yawn when i look at the hottest girl..tats how in love i am with her..no other girls can sway me...
but she like sum1 else..and that means she is having the same feeling as me..but to another guy..why did i came at the wrong time?
i noe i cant find the answers..
shadow
signing out
@ 12:25 PM
Ok..Tonight's highlight..
Live The Dream SUUUUCCCKK!!!
aha..Lolz..But i'm serious..their management really suck to the core..Especially their sound management..Dunno wat to say..They degrade Click Five's reputation so much..How could an international standard band perform in such a budget live show..Still cant believe it happened..lolz..Lucky they're gonna have their own concert to perform in Singapore,if they came juz for dat such low-graded show,i say..It's time we move on to new bands...aha...Oops..
Kk..dat was juz a joke..How could i leave one of my most favourite band juz like dat..
Anyways,i got alittle shocked when they played the song Empty..coz i thought eric,their former vocalist,is the only capable one in the band to sing such a song..Apparently it's bcoz some parts of the vocals are very high..So i was like..errrrrrr..Kyle(new vocalist) could do high notes???
My goodness..I thought his voice was only to ballad-kind of stuff (more to bass)..Damn..Wat a surprise...Coz u know...not everyone is blessed with vocals dat could do high notes..i juz wish i could..but i cant..
I have always dream of melting people with my singing..But nope..The truth muz always hurt..Dreams are juz dreams..My melting people dream wont ever come true eversince i realise i hav such a useless voice..sigh..
Ok back to Click Five...hmm...Kyle was so wierd tonight..He got energetic in the wrong place..The people in the front seats were like sitting down,relaxing..and he was jumping up and down with his serious face on..aha..lol..The image capturing him with the front seaters juz makes people wonder.."Has that vocalist gone nuts??"..aha..yup2..was so easy for such a question to come out..In my opinion,from what i've been observing eversince i started listening to their song is dat..Kyle juz doesnt fit into dat kind of hardcore movements..He should be more into act-innocent kind of thingy..Coz when he does dat,gurls cant resist themeselves from saying he's cute..aha..seriously..i know this one..
But..being urself is so much better,isnt dat right? Yea..Let's wait and see wat Kyle does next..
Haz
Next up..
McFly
aha..another favourite..BUT..this one's Britpop..ah..Marvellous..
I JUZ LOVE BRITISH ACCENT!!! dun ask me why..lolz..
@ 11:13 PM
I feel so empty...
The problem juz keeps coming back..Problem where nothing seems to satisfy me anymore..How i wish ariani was here..sitting right beside me..juz looking around..trying to find somethin dat could entertain me..But nah..after lots of thinking..i always remember,being around her juz pulls me back to the old me..Old full of love Hazzy...depressing huh...
So everytime when i thought of the old me..I'll juz keep wishing no love can ever make me fall again..I cant help putting away such a wish..i'm juz afraid of such feeling to come..Love isnt about passionately having feelings for someone..It's more like,making u get *obsessed* with him/her..Whatmore could u get when the love u gave wholeheartedly was only one-sided..Gosh..I keep feeling empty nowadays..Now i know why people always say "Becareful of what you wish for,coz u might juz get it"...
Guess i finally got my wish..
Gotta look forward to the long-term depression and my time wasted staring at the ceiling huh..
Haz
Sigh..
@ 11:35 PM
i dunno y..but its kinda like the sore throat season for most ppl..hmm..i wonder wat they did in the middle of the nite until got sore throat? BJ maybe..haha,,joking nia..
nowadays i ponder how often we love sum1 so much? i mean, im sure u dun fall in love for every pretty gal tat u see rite? tats psycho..
the feeling of loving sum1 soo much comes rarely..and when they do, unfortunately, the person u love just cant seem to accept u, no matter how much u showed them ur love..
well, last week, a 25 yr old guy kinda gave me a wider perspective..well, im not putting 100% in winning her, but at least im confident and at the same time, i wun be heartbreak if she is attached with any1..
at least i put sum effort, and if i win her, tats when i put my 100% towards her..
i noe im sounding like a jackaass, i mean, talking about love might get u all into a sad mood..
well,theory is sumting very wide..ppl have different experience in their love stories, but none ever ends like a happy story book ending..
i mean, u can nvr noe if wat u plan can become true..so the moral of the story? dun plan ur life..i mean, its really not entirely true..but wise to follow..
i dunno y i love her so much..i wonder why i let myself fall in love with a pretty gal like her? i mean, in the beginning i noe i can nvr get her, but,it seems we cant control our feelings..she's way too beautiful for me...and perfectly fits in the description of "dreamgirl"..not reality..
each time i tink of her i sigh..sighed and sighed..she tell me dun be so emo...but im not emo...im elmo!..haha joking nia..
at least we are still frens and she treasures me the most..and..she is just too beautiful..and i love her lots...u rarely love sum1 like tat..am i rite?
rite now i dun dare to let her see me..i wonder when i can go around skool looking for her and smile at her? but tis time im brave enuf to talk to her personally..
shadow
signing out
@ 4:24 PM
I dunno what happened..but it has been really depressing..
I've been having bad luck eversince the last two days..
Firstly,I spent my whole time,from Saturday(first day of raya) till Wednesday..5 days to be exact,with my Malaysian cousin coz he finally got himself into Singapore..he waited for 3 years to come here..so,he's worth my time,right? Yea..so i kind of..delayed my hand from doing any schoolwork..i was still owing my new practical partner a part of a report..She was very pissed when i didnt pass my work to her eventho there was still like 5 more days left before my lecturer wants the report..Gosh..i'm like so dunno wat to say..Guess my feeling of not doing my schoolwork was the first outcome of my bad luck..
Secondly,I did the practical report before the day we hav to pass it up..My partner instead of pestering me like how she did a few days ago,this time she juz said.."Pass it to me before 8.30pm tonight,or i'll juz cancel off ur name"...MY GOODNESS!! I rushed and rushed..and i realised i freaking dunno the ANSWER!!..GOSH!..Lucky i talked to her bout the problem..and she gladly helped me surf some websites..damn..i really regret doing it so late..2 weeks given and i looked into it the day before i hav to pass it up..sigh..That wasnt the main bad luck tho..The main one is dat..I end up not studying for the test tomorrow coz i used up my time for the report..haizz...
3) The next day,a few hours before i sit for the test,i tried studying..but i juz couldnt..coz i havent freaking LEARN the module..the lecturer was speaking tamil to me in class...If i were to understand his words,i wouldnt have the need to LEARN the module an hour before the test..i would hav studied by then..dammit..Even my frens said the lecturer hav no skills of teaching..he only noes how to joke around..After lots of thinking,i decided to get an MC and not sit for the test..So yeap..I end up NOT SITTING FOR THE TEST!!
4) Polyclinic came to my mind..and dat leads to another freaking luck gone..it was already 4.15pm..registration for polyclinic ends at 4.30pm..i was still in school..GREAT..no cheap MC..Private clinics are my only choice left..Means a BOMB for my wallet..
5) Reached home and had a nap before going to the clinic..After i woke up..at 7pm or so..i had my dinner and lazed around in my room..Reached 9+,when my dad keep reminding me to go early..coz the clinic might close if there isnt anymore customer..So i rushed down *lucky it's juz a block away..lolz*..and got to see one little signboard...
Consultation after 9.30pm $25 onwards
Consultation after 10pm $35 onwards
MY GOODNESS!!
Was 1 hour late for poly,and i have to go to private *pocket money GONE!!*
Now i'm 1 hour late for consultation and I HAVE TO FREAKING PAY THEM OVERTIME..
*Wat the hell is with the world..now my salary end up gone too..sigh..*
Eventually,i was charged for $26.70..actually i was charged higher than $30..but there's a discount..so yea..haizz...
6) Wake up in the morning the next day..was so happy when 2 of the movies i've been downloading for a month has complete..I cut and paste one of them to a new directory..but i was kinda late for school..i havent even bath..so before the movie has been completely pasted,i cut the other movie and paste it to another directory..That was where i caused the first movie to be corrupted and i have to freaking delete it..gosh..i was lucky the 2nd movie was safely pasted..however dat feeling of luckiness didnt last...Losing the first movie i've been waiting for so long to watch is juz too hard for me to pretend nothing happened..haizz...Has my luck gone dat bad?? Help me?? anyone...Please?
Lastly,after the movies thingy..I put in new songs into my mp3..hoping dat at least something could cheer me up for the day before i reached school..but NOO...the mp3 hav to break down in d bus when i was juz about to be entertained..and i dun mean break down like the batt was flat or something..The mp3 really broke down..The memory card was unreadable..Great...Something dat never happened before..
Haz
U know wat..Yesterday and today was juz great..
Was so wonderful and freaking memorable..
Thanks to whoever prayed dat i would fall..
I hope u like it...whoever u are..
Guess i'm juz one useless bitch..
Only takes 2 days to bring me down becoming one sad boy..
Gosh..i'm so pathetic..sigh...
@ 5:23 PM
the following is a reality check if fate really runs in our lives...Note: there is no link with any real life ppl.
i used to live in taman jurong for 8 years before moving to toh guan
she is living at taman jurong currently
my birthday is on the 23 feb
her's is on the 23 april
we first smiled and bumped into each other for the first time on the 23 of may
23 is my lucky and favourite number
the both of us share the same favourite bus seat..haha..
i like mcchicken
she oso like mcchicken...she is such a kaypo kia..haha
i find ppl who have lots in common with me as the most kaypo kia..dun ask me y..i prefer ppl with diff taste..haha..
alrite..so do u tink fate runs in our lives or is it just damn pure coincidental?
some of u dun believe in fate..those tat try to use internet to find their life partners are not fate but just coincidental..
but those tat find their life partners from reality is called fate
and fate is a beautiful thing when u look back..
this has nothing to do with anyone I know..its basically just general liao..
so is reality equals to fate?
haha..alrite..now all i have to do is wait for the rite time..u cant sway ppls heart when they like summbody else..
all i have to do is wait until the opportunity comes knocking at my door..now tats what i call an opportunitist..
dun ask me if it backfires okay?
when u are confident of wat u are doing..u will get wat u want..trust me.n tats wat im doing..im confident i can win her..so shud u in wat u want..it just takes time
shadow
signing out
@ 11:31 AM
thought of the nite: i guess renting a house for urself isn't tat bad at all..
rite at this moment im alone at home..lights out, tv blasting at maximum, radio playing and the breeze of the fan...undisturbed and all peace and quiet..
cant wait to rent my own house..
news of the day, went to cage today and had a okay time at the expense of..lets see, 180 bucks? walao!
but it was fun and tiring...and poor transportation system as a turn off..
its been awhile and seems like my blog partner is like dead..where are u haz?!
shadow
signing out
@ 9:12 PM
soccer is definitely not the bestest today...wasnt confident with myself..well..i did not shoot wen i had the chance..
wonder wats wrong wif me?...need to get sum fitness training..well...1 week left..tats fast..nothing much happened in the wkend...
saaturday wen to johor..n sunday nite went to geylang..feeling tired..n nauseous..mayb i ate very little this past few days..
anyways, puck it..i dun care..time to get cocky..
shadow
signing out
@ 12:25 AM
october and staying at home is such a bore...other than repeat cartoons on kids central which is definitely killing me, i have to endure the non-stop hits of nagging by my 'granny'..well..i kinda hate my family...
the only person i trust in my family is my younger brother..im not even close to my parents..cuz im the person tat dun talk much usually
n when i do talk, thats me not being myself
so y my younger brother? well, he gets the same treatment as me..my elder bro? he always criticise us..well, he is old so he more experienced..lol
sumtimes i do hate my family...the only thing i like is bcos there is shelter for me to live the next day
so yeah..i cant wait for the day i can live on my own..but by then, im too old...
sum ppl love their family..for example, this close friend of mine..
she always listens to her parents no matter how tight their restriction is on her..
wish i could me like that..
but i cant stand my elders is bcos they are very2 illogical..
n i cant stand illogical nagging...unless its a joke..but do they?
so thats wat make my blood boil...they are unreasonable wen they scold me..n tats wat i hate
i dun mind wen its my fault..
i need to do something..but with 2 weeks left..i think i look forward for sch to reopen...
shadow
signing out
@ 1:41 PM
rule number 1: u must be emotionally strong
rule number 2: u musn't have feelings for her (dun miss her)
rule number 3: dun get beaten in ur own game
rule number 4:remember the rules of the game
easy rule right?
just reminding myself...wats the name of the game u asked?
its called the game of L..
n i tink i broke rule number 2
wats the penalty?
well...she's not there wen u need her..that's the penalty
shit..musn't break the rules again...remember that u still have two more cards in the game
shadow
signing out
@ 12:18 AM
Found this pic in a blog i've not went to for a long time..