Woohoo!! Made it to
Malaysia..FINALLY!!!!!! lol..Here are
some pictures..
Irfan (My small cousin)
Took this pic coz i realised my phone was 'beautyfying' his chest..lol.. kinda juz doing a favour for him..=)
Ayie (My cousin/band member)
Hmm..About darn time i went to Malaysia..My cousin has been waiting for me to meet him for about half a year..So,rather than being an emo shit,staying at home all holiday and do some reflections about who's taking advantage of me(someone like sab) and questioning myself why they did that,all those shit,i finally decided to meet my cousin who have long waited for my arrival..
I went to Malaysia on my own coz my other Singaporean cousins were still having school..and made it safely to my grandma's house(in Malaysia dat is)..I was really looking forward for my holidays there,and i got what i asked for..It was an unforgettable experience i might say..I really appreciate everyone who was there..Even my cousin's frens..They know all about me and my Singaporean cousins..Must be the work of my cousin..But yea..was really2 cool to be there..Wonder when can i stay there again..I had to go home coz my cousin is facing his exams in a few months time..I would cause his parents to worry if i were to stay there during his schooling days..So yup,i didnt stay for long..After they sent me near the Malaysian checkpoint,i was thinking where to go next..I felt like i wasnt missing home dat much..juz alittle..
Eventually,i had a moment glance at my answer..kinda wasnt expecting the answer could be a bus..it was 950..bus to woodlands..i then took it from the Malaysian customs and dropped myself at Woodlands..as in my cousin's bus stop..not the woodlands checkpoint..Those who thought i was referring to the woodlands checkpoint,tell urself,u're stupid..lol..So yea..I went straight to my cousin's house..was thinking i'm gonna sleep there juz for one night..But i end up staying for 2 days 2 night..haha..dammit..what an irresponsible guest..
One thing dat always bothers me...is when i watch my aunties cook for the house..It really makes me feel so troubled..Coz my presence caused them to cook more and serve more,stuff like dat..I feel so out of place..Troubling my big family is never my purpose..But what to do,i really wanna spend time with them..Some chit-chatting,adventuring in the woods nearby,shopping..Juz miss them all of a sudden..
Anyway,i'm back!!!!!!! Muahahaha..I'm full of life now..I'm gonna finish up my songs..6 songs if im not wrong..and i'm gonna do them good this time..really2 hope so..I would like to Thank God for giving me back this strength dat has been hidden for so long inside of me..and i'm glad God used my big family as the solution..I'm changing for the better..and one of my proven improvement is dat..i no longer shut my room..i'm leaving the door open..HAHA..THAT'S A BIG CHANGE U KNOW..Hope dat change will make me think more of my family than thinking about girls..Coz when i used to shut my room with the door closed,i'll plainly juz forget about my family..and start thinking about girls..sigh..
Finally,i've decided to make a list of what to do during my holidays..Maybe to motivate myself or something..
List of what to do during
the holidays:
1)Change for the better
2)Change for the better
3)Change for the better
4)Change for the better
5)Change for the better
6)Change for the better
So erm..is this motivating? or is it brainwashing? hmmmmm..
Haz
Zal,i dreamt about Mardiana when i was sleeping in my cousin's house leh..
Wat does it mean?
Was a funny dream tho..haha..
I'll post about it soon,alrite..
Peace
@ 10:50 AM
soccer today was ok...so im gona slp rite after im done wif this yar...
hmm..when do guys give up?..just curious..
and yar i like to test ppl's mind with a little game called number 20..its fun u noe..
ok2..sumtimes i wish i noe wat the future holds for us..but guess the only thing to do is to do wat we feel is rite so tat the future is better for us..
life is not like a game where u can load when things go wrong or even save when u want to do sumting bad..
time flies damn fast..if u look at a stopwatch, u realise how many seconds passed in a blink of an eye..
well..life is short..so live it to the fullest....do wat u can despite ur exhaustion..look at things positively and not act on impulse...
ya ya...its easy to say...even i have trouble following this..
is my stubborness an example of living life to the fullest? tell me kaes..
shadow (u can't see me cos im ur shadow)
signing out
@ 4:03 PM
miss her?? maybe..sick tis days to the extent that i fell aslp..
and things are irritating these days for me..guess my temper is getting short...
ok my fave no. is 23
there are 23 principles in my life
23 litres of water a day
23 dollars saved a week
23 percent of batt left on my hp
23 more years to live the dream
23 days to get things rite again
23 min to type this
23 hours before friday
23 months to save up for a short leisure time
23 craps were mentioned
23 praises were wasted
23 saiful..nah..there's only one
and..there u go..all abt 23..u feeling me dog??
ehpul
signing out
@ 12:45 AM
'Ya...ok...i noe...ya...alrite...i get it..'
Haizz...
It gets depressing day by day...
Why? Why are my decisions always wrong?? Why Hasan??
I dunno why..Juz let me be...Let me run far far away from here..Let me run to a place where people thought dat im gone and they would start thinking of me once again..I wish im never alone..
Haz
I wont be here when u remember me..
I wish u could have thought of me sooner..
Take care of urself k?..
@ 3:31 PM
I miss you..I miss you..I miss you..I miss you..I miss you..Be mine one day? Would u?
Haz
@ 4:30 PM
yest was fun and exhausted myself..so slept the whole nite..had short dreams...i had difficulty slping cos i alwaes woke up after those dreams...
sumtimes i wonder why im born into this world..i just wish i wasn't born at all..this world..why it is created and such..
its not that i dun appreciate life...but there are time when u wish u were born..but i think its just me..
oh yeah..i nd 4 ppl...cos i wana join a go kart competiotion...so guys,if u wan ask me..cos i alwaes dream of racing...i need serious racers....too bad its a team event...if its an individual, i wud have the glory all to myself ^_^..
ehpul
signing out
@ 3:44 PM
Didnt get to sleep well last night..Had too many short dreams..Short dreams of her..And they seemed so real..as in the dream was all about our past,present and future..and i keep waking up...sigh...i wanna noe the ending..why isnt God giving me d full story..is it a happy ending? i wanna noe..would You give me another chance to see it? Plz?
I was having my eyes in d dream..as in..i was having my actual view..and wat i remembered was dat..She kept looking into my eyes..and she kept smiling..U dunno how great dat is,do u N? Lol..u sad chink..
Long ago,when i think of her,i'll always imagine this one beautiful house..not a bungalow..mayb a condo or a 5-room flat..and i'll always imagine her beside me..smiling at d house we got for each other..It's the biggest dream ever..but it keeps fading away..I DUN WANT IT TO FADE..seriously..
Sometimes..i juz keep wondering..are we ever meant to be together? Coz we keep hiding our true feelings from each other..But when im not hiding it,sometimes,it will juz makes us worse..Our mouths are juz too heavy to ask for each other..haizz...mayb it's juz my mouth dat is too heavy..
Anyway..i would like to say Thank you to zal for being there for me yesterday..as in the company..not the gayness..And erm...yea...it will be so nutcracking if u weren't there..lol..Thanks zal..and dun smile too long after reading this..=)
I've decided..I wanna continue my studies..For my parents,my family and mostly for her..Coz if she ever still want me even when i'm poor and jobless,how could i take her? How could i let her live with me in a 3-room flat?? Dat image is so easy to be imagined..it's horrible..Worse if i leave her at her mum's..I know i can't have her if i ever reached dat stage..Sorry for thinking so far away..but i noe it's d truth if i were to quit my education life right now..I juz wanna be there for u..Even when u breathe,i wanna be the air for u..Dat's all i dream of..
Haz
I've been wondering if u ever feel d same..
I've been ready in here,for u to come..
I hope dat u would turn up..
It's been so long when i hold ur hand..It's been so long when i kissed u..
I never had the chance to say..
Coz u ran away to the other way..
And left me here to stay..all alone...
K,maybe it was me who went away...
I'm sorry..
@ 5:47 AM
Another sucky exam..sigh..
How can i go on?
Would anyone tell me?
There's so much chances of me repeating this module..dammit..I'm such a worthless guy..
Dun think anyone can help me..
I already filled the papers..
I'll be leaving poly in a month or so..
Mayb ill get a job with zal soon..
Haz
Peace
@ 6:45 PM
Yesterday sucked big time..i think there are chances of me repeating the module..The module dat i thought i have chances in passing in..sigh..
Yesterday started of with me studying at 2 am..till about 4 am..Then i went off to sleep..Waked up around 7..That's where my fever started..I couldnt sleep at dat moment..eventhough i noe of the fact dat i had only 3 hours of sleeping..So i juz went on studying as i cant sleep and my eyes were bright..I finished all the topics..I went on playing my guitar after dat..destressing i guess..But all of a sudden,my fever got worse..i started to feel dizzy and having chills..Thinking of getting an mc for my exam which is coming up at 6..But..nah..i choose to go on doing questions of past year's paper..Told my mum and dad about d fever..they gave me panadols..Then i went straight to school..Discuss some of my doubts with my frens till about 5.45..
Time passed..it was 6..Guess i juz have to enter the examination room with my fever..The paper..suck big..It's the worse paper i have ever sat for..It's much worse than Social Studies..*Note: Social Studies is the subject i hate most*..The difficulty of the exam paper,as in my module's paper not social studies',is so 200% harder than tutorials..It's beyond our ability..And our lecturers were like 'What's wrong with u all today? I know u can do this'...How can they not know there's like a worldwide gap of how the questions in the exam paper and the questions in the tutorial/quiz has?? Arghhhhh..
When i was doing it..I felt like crying..seriously crying..But i juz cant..i noe i hav to finish the paper..
In the end..i have like 5-6 questions blank..and the time was up..sigh..
Everyone left the examination room with disgusted/terrified/hopeless face..Definitely including me..
So,after me and my frens left the school..I followed my frens to Lot 1 to have our dinner at Long John..Cant believe my mind got so cocked up dat i was willing to have my dinner at Lot 1 when my house is not even near there..After dinner,my mind was still hooked up with the freaking exam paper..I decided to have a sleepover at my cousin's house..in woodlands..So here i am..destressing myself in my cousin's house..sigh..
Should i quit poly? I cant take this anymore..Yesterday was so terrifying..was so unexpected..I dun think i could go on with this..
Haz
Should i meet her?
I think i want to..
Wat more,knowing im already in Woodlands..
I guess i should go for it...Wat do u think?
@ 1:37 PM
sometimes i dunno wat is happening around my life...and bcos of tat...i have no idea of what to say...
well..i think i can be happy that i have an O level cert..in spore,it is looked as the norm...but i dun care and i hate to be bias..
everyone is smart..it depends whether the person is hardworking and very alert to wat they are studying...alert in this case, means listening to others who are more experienced and provides valuable info...
having info is just one of the steps to success..bcos if u dun noe ur enemy, u cant beat ur enemy..
by having info,u study and find the flaw of the enemy's weakness,in this case, u find the solutions to the questions..
another inspiration is that if u think that u are good enough in sumting, than that's where ur downfall begins..
if u think u are good at it, u feel comfortable and the effort is less than what is needed,resulting to unwanted results..
but when u think that u are not good at it. u keep trying with 100% effort with full determination to be good at it and in the end, ur results are the ones u want...
this is an inspiration for me..im not good..nvr was..and i need to work hard..the goals..my dream car..dream gal, puck, wat the hell am i thinking??? dream gal??? puck it..
so yyeah..im gona read books and study ym ite stuff..im not good so i have to study..rmb saiful...DREAM CAR!!! CHEVROLET CAMARO AKA BUMBLEBEE...heeee..
so if u want to ask abt gals? nah,trying my best to clear my mind..i want it like the way when i started ite..no feelings for any gal...that was the best feeling in my life...so carefree..
but now i have two choices,continue the game to win the heart or to walk awaay and gain nothing..well, even if i fail, at least i noe i tried...
i believe tat everything happens for a reason..tats my motto and i will find the reason for everything that happens to me in my life..yes,its a deep secret by god but i will dig it out one day..
ehpul
signing out
@ 1:21 PM
U know...Life...has not been great for me...I feel so incomplete nowadays...i asked God..plz help me..Give me someone dat i could love so much..Someone dat could brighten my heart in every second of my life..Someone who could strengthen my will..
I'm still waiting..
It's so hard to get 'her' when u always fall back to ur first step..
Being 'someone' has always been my dream..being someone complete..and i'm begging for it for so hard..plz give me a chance..i wanna be someone who dun hav to worry about studies..as in i do learn and study..but i dun worry about school and studies unduly..and lastly,having the chance to be with someone u really wanna spend ur lifetime with..dats' my dream..
I really wanna be dat someone..I really do...
And i wanna meet dat other someone..
But dat goal..seems so far away..I dunno if i could ever grab it..
Haz
Spending all my time all alone in my room..
Juz terrifies me..
Erm..Be mine? Would u?
@ 11:07 PM
I know it's not enough to say im wrong..
U know dat i will miss u now u're gone..
I know it's not ur life to see this through..
Juz know dat in my heart,it screams for u..
So leave a little note for me behind..I swear i have to know the reasons why..
Coz i could never leave this world undone..
Haz
For someone i used to love so much..
@ 7:16 AM
BAYBEATS!! Muahahaha...It's one of the freaking coolest thing dat has ever happened in my life..It was OUTRAGEOUS..lol..
Actually,the day almost ended with full of disappointments..Coz we missed like 6 bands performing live..We were scavanging for food..Almost all of the fast-food restaurants in Marina Square were booked..We were starving to death..So,wat the hell..Juz eat whereever there's a Halal certificate..And CAVANA was Saiful's lil bro's choice...
CAVANA!!..lol..It's like the most wierdest fast-food restaurant ever..The food seems so similar to Banquet..But the price was like 2x of Banquet..Wat the hell got into them..Coz the chicken rice i bought from them was like $4.50...GGRRRRRRRRR..
After all the eating..Me, Saiful 'shadow' and Zal 'rko'went back to the stage..We were expecting at least 2 more bands performing in the next few minutes..But Fiqah came out from nowhere and told us there's only one performance left..So we were like,ok man..dat's the shittiest news ever..But nvm..We stationed ourself at the mosh pit..getting ready to MOSH MOSH MOSH...hahahaha..
U know wat happened next?
I'll tell u wat happened...
A freaking aussie face picked up an acoustic guitar on the stage and start singing acoustic songs..And im like..WHOA...WE'RE SURE GONNA MOSH THROUGHOUT HIS SONG!! ******!!
So yea..
Ended up in disappointments..And so we started moving off..going home with regrets..Coz these bands only perform once in a year at the same place and we were actually searching for food instead of joining the crowd..sigh..
BUT...
Damn..when we were on the way to City Hall MRT station..We started to hear HARDCORE music from the other stage..THERE'S HOPE ALL OF A SUDDEN..So wat the hell..i juz passed my wallet to zal and Saiful's bag too..Saiful and i walk through the crowd and ran into the mosh pit..
WOOHOO!! FREAKING MOSH IS ON!!
It was really a miracle..coz we really thought dat d acoustic was the last performance..and it's the shittiest acoustic peformance ever...HAHA..
K back to the mosh pit..The crowd was really2 vigorous as the song the band was playing was really hardcore..One thing was dat Saiful and i were both really2 hesitating to join the mosh..Coz they were so harsh..especially the pro-moshers..They were swinging their legs and hands all over..But wat made us moved was dat we almost miss this moshings..We came to MOSH!!..are we gonna juz stay at the corner?? HAHA..NO..
Haz : K ful,kte masuk in the next 3 seconds k?
Fool : Kk..
Haz : K...1...2...3...
Fool : WHOOOOOAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol..Saiful was really2 funny in the pit..and he really rock after every moment he mosh..He will be like jumping up and down..when actually he's still grasping for air..lol..For me,i was like trying to use the P.E. lesson technique to breath in..haha..
Oh yes..even gurls were moshing..I got in contact with one of the gurls..I knew i hit a gurl eventho my eyesight was blur coz her skin touched mine..Her skin was like..smooth rubber..lol..really man..But dat was it..one contact and i carried on hitting people with my body,hands and legs..It was freaking cool man..But really2 tiring..And if u take a break when u're in d middle of the moshing,u will suffer heavy consequences..Like,getting hit by the other moshers..I got hit on my chin..Lucky my gums didnt bleed..
The band 'Blindside' was like playing all their original hardcore songs all the way..And all the disappointments seemed to fade away all of a sudden..After like 2 songs,we met Arif in the moshing..Freaking cool..
Arif : Eh..
HazFool : Eh arif..
HazFool : Eh sab mane?
Arif : Ntah..
Haz : arif..kau start kn ah..kteorg join..
Arif : Kk..
I was actually kidding..i didnt really mean for arif to start the moshing..BUT he did..lol..He jumped onto 2 kids..and all the moshing started..haha..After dat,i lost Saiful..He was drifted away..So i searched for him..But all of a sudden i met the other Saiful..My present classmate..lol..He was moshing too man..Meeting our frens in the mosh pit gives u a freaking lucky feeling..seriously..u feel so cool meeting them in the pit..So i went like..
Haz : Eh ful(d new Saiful), kau start kn ah..aku join..
Saiful : Ok..
For the minute,u know i was kidding again,right? Yea..i was..but Saiful started moshing all of a sudden..lol..Freaking frens..They are like ur backstage crew of ur Freakshow..= )
Kk..after like 3 songs or so..We were really really grasping for air..
Fool : Eh,kasut aku almost kene campak ah dok..
Haz : Haha..da pasang balek blom?
Fool : Da..
Haz : Eh jom ah..aku mcm da tkde power lg dok..Belah ah..
Fool : Lek bro..one more ah bro..plz2..
Haz : Alrite..
Well for dat 2nd last song,we really cant make it..Our energy was draining till like 1% left..So we juz jumped into the pit and bounce our body on others..After dat,we went off..
Met zal outside the crowd..He was resting..Coz zal had no intention of moshing..Then Saiful was like talking all d way non-stop..He was like drunk or something..Seems so real..as in his drunked look..but nah..no beer there..Dunno if zal missed anything great..maybe yes...maybe no...Hmmm..
When we're about to go off from esplanade..The last song came up..And this time the song sounded really2 really hardcore..Saiful were crying out loud..lol..He wanted to carry on the moshing so bad..But wat can i say..we have a train to catch..it was running late..like 11.30pm or so..So Saiful started recommending..
Fool : Eh..kte naik taxi ah bro..blh ah..
Haz : Haha..NO..kte naik mrt je..da da..jln jln..
Haha..pity..
Oh yea..Deputy Siren was really2 cool..THEY ROCK!!..especially with their new vocalist..She's like the most prettiest vocalist i've ever seen..
So yea,dat was for the day..Sorry for the long passage..It's one of the best days i've ever experienced in my life..I remember it so clearly..And i feel so glad spending it with my good good fren...Saiful...May he stay with me and zal forever...
Haz
Yup..It was my and Saiful's first time moshing..
And we did it together..
Wooohooo..does this sound gay?
Nah..it's wat people call FRIENDSHIPS dat are meant to be appreciated more than ever..
Peace..
@ 8:38 AM
WOOHOO...hahah..im still ecstatic from all the moshing in the mosh pit..hahah...it was fun,spontaneous and u can make new frens from all the moshing when all mean no harm...well for some only..
other than that, it was fun,ppl hold in each other to ensure they are ok...felt the camaradie..how wonderful music could be..
me and haz moshed at the hardcore stage of the baybeats..we were scared first but we decided to jusst throw ourselves to the heat of moshing...
it was fun..but some of you may term it as 'satanic' i felt nothing like this b4 in my life...i really lose myself to the headbanging music...it was damn fun!!! mostly i target haz but then i target anybody...
we woud feel very dizzy but it was worth the fun..i felt like i ran 2.4km 5 times...hahahah!!!even some gals were not spared..haahah..
it was sumting i will rmb...my first moshing!! hahahah...maybe next year i'll be there to mosh again!! thx haz! u were a good moshing partner!!!
hahah..baybeats was way cool..hahah..the music builds up the tempo..i like tat band..its good for moshing but on normal conditions,it wud juz be plain boring...
ehpul
signing out
@ 12:50 AM
today's match was great...scored 3 goals which was hard to find for a defender..injured myself in the process of blocking a shot..
well..now im tired..slept alr but having a headache as if im losing sumting meaningful to me...and yeah,this sweet words wun appeal to her...hahah..more is needed to be done liao...
so why? i ask myself..
ehpul
signing out
@ 3:32 PM
Life doesnt seem so happy now..Exams coming..i feel so slacky..and i got a fail in one of my module's test..There's gonna be a retest next week..and there's gonna be another module's test dat same week..Dammit..i feel like i cant carry this on..My life's getting worse and worse day by day..
The test i'm gonna do..I havent even learn the topics yet..and i mean *LEARN* not *study*..Not coz of teacher havent taught us..but she teach us too fast..Everytime we enter her class,there's gonna be like one whole topic for her to teach..and i mean,EVERYTIME..and there will be like 4-5 formulas in each new topic..wat the hell right..I think Mr Liu teach better than her..Eventho she's chio..haha..
I think she's 19 years old if im not wrong..hmmmmm..
Back to my life at home..Seems like nothing could satisfy me anymore..Dat's y i could not study at home..Coz i keep searching for my satisfaction through entertainments..Movies,games,youtube,blogging..Nothing seems to grasp my satisfaction..I used to be someone so independant..I guess i lost my strength..
Coz someone told me..Studies comes first..Which i noe..But she emphasised dat i should juz focus on my studies..instead of relationships..
Well u noe wat..those words never add up to my motivation..It made me worse..Eversince i lost her,i feel so incomplete..
Having someone by ur side is juz wat u need in this world..With dat someone,u could do anything..really anything..Dat's wat i believed..and i still do..
Haz
Moral Fiber
Wat is moral fiber?
It's funny..coz i used to think moral fiber is about telling the truth,doing good deeds..
But lately i've been seeing it differently..
I think dat moral fiber is about finding dat one thing u really care about..
Dat one special thing dat means more to you than anything else in the whole world..
And when u found her..u fight for her..
U risk it all..U put her infront of everything..ur future,ur life...all of it..
Coz in ur heart u know,the juices worth the squeeze..
Peace
@ 8:45 AM
august...so i let it all out..she knows wat i feel and she understands it...i told her i in no position to be jealous but she understands...wat the fuck...i shudnt publicise tis...
august is packed for me...
ehpul
signing out
dun forget to say hi ok fool
@ 1:02 AM
yest lunch was at the skool's training restaurant..food was magnifique yar...and yeah...heard abt bay beats...hell im gona be there! hahah...
love sucks...im saying this so that i will not love any living soul tat walks in this world..
serious can..but my name means loving..argghh...why must i be a lover???
music is a cure....hah...lets take a walk in town...its been ages..
ehpul
signing out
@ 12:57 AM
